Big Gay Blog

Wow!

2006-05-17T16:35:00.000-07:00

Ok so I know it's been forever since I last wrote anything and that's really weird because a lot has happened. I just don't know where or what to start with.

Well We're in the middle of selling the house so that's what's been taking up the most time just getting the house settled and ready for sale. It seems like since that's come up all we've been doing is thinking about the house and going out on the weekends just to get away from it. All in all it's been a bitch to do and hopefully we'll never have to do it again.

I just re-read the last few entries and now 4 months removed from my 29th birthday I still feel the same about age as I did then. I guess I just don't get what the big deal is, I feel like I should be making more out of it than I am. Maybe I will, who knows?

My Birthday was fun from what I remember, I have realized one thing about getting older I've had more 'OK I kinda remember last night' drunk nights than I ever have. All I remember is I milked the hell out of the free drinks for like 3 nights.

We really haven't been going out that much except for B-Unit on Sundays and occasionally The Lonestar. B-Unit has been a lot of fun and we've met some really great guys there, fortunately we've also had sex with a lot of them too.

I'm looking forward to Memorial Day Weekend this year it'll be different, the past few years we've been going to Guerneville but this year out of necessity rather than choice we're going to Gay Day at Great America and then hopefully to either Yosemite or Monterey for a picture taking trip which I desperately need to do.

This weekend we'll be meeting up with the girls for brunch on Sunday then some of us will be heading off to B-Unit to dance and other things you know who you "backroom" people are.

This past weekend was a lot of fun too, Ryan and I went to The White Horse in Berkeley and met up with Gerren and two guys we met at B-Unit Josh and Miguel now I haven't gotten to talk to Miguel like I have with Josh but he seems like a nice guy kinda shy which means he's probably a freak when you get to know him, but who knows. We met them at a B-Unit afterparty which is always fun, it's at someone's house so there's a better chance that you can chat and get to know people better. Until the lights dim and our host says "OK let's get into the shower" and then you get the drift. So this is where we met Josh and Miguel whom we had chatted on Bear 411 before but hadn't yet made the connection. So that's how we know them.LOL. So that was fun getting to know them better it's hard to carry on a conversation when your gettin it good from behind;)

Sunday found us spending the morning and most of the afternoon with our Moms. Around 4pm we made our way to The Eagle's Beer Bust to meet Gerren, Mikey, Danny and Justin. We also met Mark and Angus a couple of guys Danny met in Palm Springs and Gibby one of Mikey and Danny's friends. I had a long Island and after the 4th don't remember much so I must have had a blast, I did I was told later.

Well I have to get back to my husbandly duties. laters.

Now playing: Mary J. Blige - All That I Can Say

Faith Evans

2006-02-15T20:54:00.000-08:00

2006-01-25T14:42:00.000-08:00

You scored as The all-round cute gay guy. YOu are a cute guy who many would die to be with..........lucky!!

Straight Acting

70%

The all-round cute gay guy

70%

A Big Bear

60%

S + M guy

50%

Straight

40%

Raging Queer

30%

Straight Queer Basher

10%

What type of Gay are YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

Happy Birthday 2 Me

2006-01-12T18:05:00.000-08:00

Hey all, I find myself here the day before my 29th Birthday listening to Anita baker and wondering why it doesn't mean that much to me. I mean I guess it should be a big deal but it doesn't feel like it I think I'll start to worry nd over think my life when I'm turning 40. Right now it just feels like another year has gone by since my last one, should it feel any different?

Well lets see what's been going on in my life since last I blogged? I was involved in a couple naked get together because I hate the word orgy it sounds so 70's. The first one was a bit of surprise if only for the fact that a friend of mine was involved ("Gerren did you just lick my balls") of which I was later assured he didn't. That one was a lot of fun in that i liked everyone involved sex aside.

The second one was a bit more separate, where the first one was a free for all and I nor Ryan was focused on 1 person. The second naked gathering had Ryan and i concentrating on different guys for most of the time then we came together after a couple people left. All in all Ryan and My first "Orgy" was a good experience.

New Years was a lot of fun also, we were suppose to go to Cip's parties at Cip Lounge and The Pound but by the time we got through traffic and found parking it was pretty late so we stopped in the Lonestar to say our hellos before we left but after a couple Long Islands I wasn't going anywhere, aside from the fact that we ran into Nelson's Boyfriend(Nelson is the sexy guy that bartends at B-Unit) Zack and his friend who's name escapes me. Ryan later asked me how that was because I don't really hang around loud fratboy types because that's what they seemed like to me but it was fun I had a blast,they are crazy guys but I had fun.

I've actually been hanging out with Mikey more and that's really been a blast for me because I feel really close to him and honestly there are only a handful of people I "Miss" when I don't get to talk,chat,communicate period with and to actually hang out and just have a good time is even more rare. I recently took some pictures of him for my portfolio and I think they came out great.

Speaking of re-connecting I got back in touch with my very first gay crush and really good friend Eric. I sometimes think it's weird how people can come in and out of your life and if you are truly connected it's as if they never left. I'm glad Eric is one of those people, His Fiancee Jeff has a really beautifully written article in Frontiers magazine that I think everyone should check out.

I feel bad though because I know I should go down to Sacramento to see my ex's new apartment. I haven't been avoiding it but it sure is hard to get around that far when you don't drive but hopefully "Dreamy Dean" and his new man "Sexy Seth" will forgive me. I'll try to get a caravan out there next weekend.

Well let's see I should have some more stories after my Birthday weekend. Later.

Here Are Some Pictures From My Portfolio

This one is just a picture of our little angel(Now if only she'd act like it.)I still took the picture though

Photobucket

2005-12-08T21:54:00.000-08:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

Bigger and Bloggier

2005-10-19T16:13:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone sorry it's taken so long to update this thing but life has been just that boring. Not really but pretty damn close, when last i blogged I was preparing myself for Ryan's birthday and Folsom Street Fair well to say it was a drunken disaster(in a good way) would be an understatement. From what I can remember our friends Jeffrey and Gerren came over Friday and we had a few drinks here at home then at about midnight or so Ryan and I went out to Daddy's and tried to maneuver our way through the leather and chest fur and managed to get a drink before deciding we ourselves were already to drunk to have a good time so we came home.

Saturday found us getting up fairly early to get to The BMB meet and greet at Mezzanine which also turned out to be pretty damn fun even though we pretty much stood around and drank and gossiped the whole time, drunk by 4 we met up with our friend Derrick and made our way back down to the East Bay to rest up and show Gerren Barbershop the T.V. Show which is hilarious BTW. Afterwards we got our sorry ass carcasses up and went back to SF and for the life of me I can't remember what the hell happened. Hopefully we didn't break anything.

Sunday Derrek, Ryan and I went for lunch and then dropped Derrick off at B.A.R.T. came back home had much needed sex and then rest. Around 9 or so we went back to Sf after the Folsom festivities had died down and went to Cip Lounge for some drinks where after more than a few Liquid lushes I gave some guy head in the bathroom who was totally not my type of guy skinny D&G all the way but whatever Variety being the spice of life I guess, and then something happened that I can only describe as out of left field, I was pretty much done after a few minutes because as cute as being on my knees in a bathroom is I have a low tolerance for it. So I get up tell him that's it pretty much and then his glazed over eyes look at me and says "you're hot" and then he pisses on my pissing penis and all I could think of was 1 he's pissing on my dick and 2 it's hot. So I zip up take two steps back and say "ummm OK" and leave that was pretty much that. We stayed a bit longer drank a bit more and then left.

The next weekend was Castro Street Fair and the only memorable thing about that weekend was on Sunday night we get a call from Tom the other half of Tom and Craig a couple from Ryan's past that he use to fool around with the same Tom who has confessed a certain attraction for me and who i have also confessed an attraction to but for one reason or another our friendship has pretty much stayed on the IM occasional phone call level. For the most part I think Tom is a wonderfully big hearted attractive guy but there's a sadness about him that I feel bad for. He's the type of person that is really good looking on the outside as well as inside but for one reason or another has pretty low self esteem and you look at him and think you have a lot going for you if you could just believe it more you'd be perfect but I guess everyone in some form or another are their own worst critic some of us just hide it better than others or at least don't give into those criticisms as quickly. I guess that was another side-bar...So back to the story, Tom calls and asks if we're coming out because Craig, a friend who's name escapes me and he are at Badlands so we discuss it for a bit then decide why not so we meet then at badlands and I can already tell Tom has had a few, he's just a bit looser and definetly more flirty which I love and am all for from him, Craig is a lot more drunk and for some reason I have never really been 100% comfortable around I don't know why maybe because I felt like he was a little overbearing of Tom for my taste but I could tell right off the bat he was shooshing me away so he could get at Ryan who later told me Craig is a cool person to hang out with and if the four of us were gonna fool around he'd be cool with that but that he didn't want a 1 on 1 with Craig. Fair enough but at that moment Tom and I were headed for the dance floor and started our little make out session on the dance floor which is always a little surreal for me because at gay clubs whenever there are two guys dancing making out groping chicks always want to watch and/or grab. I pretty much got into being with Tom in that moment and I think we made through 4 or 5 songs(Tom if you read this...Nice ass loved it) but I figured Ryan was probably wondering what was going on. So we made our way through the dance floor and found Ryan and Craig after a minute or so Tom and Craig had to leave. That was Sunday...

One last thing I said Ryan and I had a Queer as Folk moment at B-unit last entry and then I gotta check out. We found out about this new club opening at the Bench and Bar called B-Unit so we figured hey why not something new and it's in the east bay. So we went and the music was cute and the guys were big and beefy and the bartenders well lets just say I have a special place in my heart for hot bartenders so there they are;) after a few hours of dancing Ryan ran into an old high school friend who revealed to having had a crush on Ryan since then and his boyfriend so after pleasnatries we got along really well so after about an hour or so of chatting we all went to "the back room" and started making out next thing I know I have a finger in my ass and it ain't from anybody I came in the room with but I guess in these situations you just have to go with it which I did and I could do a play by play but you get the picture suck suck, bob bob,slurp slurp...ahhhhh... and that was also a Sunday.

I'll catch ya'll up later on through Friday.

Big Gay Tool

2005-10-17T22:13:00.000-07:00

Big Gay Tool is building a directory, so I figured, hey might as well add the old Big Gay Blog and garner some free traffic;)

Ryan's B-day

2005-09-21T04:35:00.000-07:00

As some of you may or may not know Saturday the 24th is Ryan's Birthday. We both basically feel like something small and laid back would be cool since there's so much going on this weekend.

So on Friday we'd like to invite some people over to the house have a few drinks then go out to SF later on, I was thinking maybe 6-7ish and then head on out to the city around 10 or so. We'll have alcohol some snacks maybe a cake, if you'd like to bring stuff over that'd be real cool. Fridays is usually Castro night at Daddy's, The Edge or wherever we end up if those places are boring(which they usually aren't).

On Saturday it'll be a bit more tricky because we already planned on going to the BigMuscle.com Meet and Greet party at Mezzanine it starts at 1pm and goes till 6pm Gerren,Mikey,Ryan and I went last year and had a blast and met some really cool people. You can go here for more info. Last year we got there about 2pm and had to wait in line for an hour so if you plan on going go early.

Sunday of course is Folsom street fair and we'll be there with leather on. Ryan is going into work later so we'll be heading on over to UndergroundSF

Also I'll be updating the blog with more tidbits from the last few weeks including mine and Ryan's Queer as Folk moment in the back room of a club last weekend.

If you have my personal e-mail or Cell/Home number get back to me regarding this weekend, to let me know if you can hang with us this weekend.

Happy Birthday Baby

Some Pictures

2005-08-09T17:16:00.000-07:00

Here are a few of the pictures I recently uploaded to flickr

http://www.flickr.com/people/moonsault1814/

Flickr

2005-08-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Feel free to Flickr me and check out my pictures as usual you guys comments are encouraged and appreciated.

http://www.flickr.com/people/moonsault1814/

God's trynna tell you somethin'

2005-08-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

Well people I said I'd update on Friday and here I am Monday funny how time flies when you're hoin' right and proper. Last I wrote I came up to Lazy Bear Weekend which i must admit was bittersweet for me after all that happened last time we went down to Guerneville I wasn't as excited about it as I could have been. However the week leading up to it came with some info that a couple that was going to go to Lazy Bear couldn't so they asked us if we wanted their site now keep in mind the cost would ended up being about 400 bucks for the site alone so I decided to call some people see if they would be interested in going in on it with us and to my surprise Mikey replied with a happy sounding yes and a "give me a call later on in the week so we can talk about everything" so I decide if Mikey and Danny pay at least 100 bucks or so it'll ease the financial burden but if they weren't in fact going to go we'd decline and just make day trips or stay with whoever.LOL.

But this is Mikey we're talking about post Memorial Day so I get a call on Wednesday a couple days before Lazy Bear and Mikey says they decided to stay at their (Danny's) friends place there instead. I bit back so much annoyance and anger to say "OK" and pretended to be tired and a little under the weather just so i could hang up and roll my eyes. I expected as much and therefor saved a couple hundred dollars just in case we were left with the campsite alone. I don't know I guess in my heart I thought they'd bail not that it makes it OK or right in my head but I get how either as a couple or individually they'd be uneasy about staying with us but at least state that I can deal with honesty even if it doesn't favor me I just can't deal with bullshit, and this reeked of it.

Anyway Friday came and I managed to come up with a few bucks still so I was a little better. We got up there and it was nice as usual a little hotter than I expected but not too bad we mostly set things up and then just relaxed. We went to the bonfire and ran into a few people we know from SF and other parts of the state and country it was fun just relaxing and talking we got to bed fairly early.

Saturday morning found us introducing ourselves to our weekend neighbors and funny enough one of them was a guy I chatted with on Bear411.com so that was cool. We then made our way to Safe way where right in the middle of the frozen food section (ironic no?) we run smack into Mikey and Danny and up to that point I had come up with a few choice words for miss thing and then it all just went away I was for lack of a better word "over it" the only problem was I couldn't for the life of me look Mikey in the eyes I just couldn't I wonder if he noticed (if he didn't I'm sure he does now). Danny over did his salutation to Ryan a bit but everything was nice(nice and awkward) but they told us where they where staying we said our goodbyes and we quickly exited stage left. Let me just say this Guerneville was hot like my brown ass decided to put on spf 75 hot and put a hat on I felt like a fair skinned white girl. It was still fun though, We ran into Turner and David "Hooch" from North Carolina who are always a blast even though we only hung out with them the one time last year at Lazy Bear but they have cute southern charm and accents I have a bit of a crush if you couldn't tell actually so does everyone else. Anyway we hung out with them for a while with Turner rubbing my head and then he made out with this guy and then proceeded to grow the biggest boner I'd ever seen this side of the Mason Dixon. I was impressed then again he is like 6'7" or something like that and built like me.LOL. He grabbed my calf one time and his big ole paw wrapped around the whole thing and those of you who know me know I ain't no light weight so I was like damn "I'm yours" LOL. Then we have David who is the cutest,sweetest person you'd ever want to know and they are both so down the earth and just really cool. Then Mikey and Danny show up by this point I'm already over a lot of the raw and nasty feelings I had so I was genuinely happy to see Mikey. Mostly because Mikey gets a few drinks in him around me and it's impossible to maintain the crap that we both put up with each other and it's stripped down to the bare bones feelings of just being really good friends. so we were pretty much together the rest of the day we went swimming at the Woods which was fun considering it was clothing optional and most of the people around the pool chose to not wear clothes and also chose to suck each other off pool side and even if they were a little older and/or not that great of shape it's always nice to see guys/people say fuck inhibition I'm gonna do what feels good to me, I love that. Plus I love dick so regardless it was nice to see. Unfortunately this is where it gets sour for me without my knowledge because I put my wallet in Ryan's Star Wars folding backpack towel and once I woke up from my nap it was gone but I didn't notice until Sunday morning. So Saturday evening was fun we mostly hung out by the tent and drank with our neighbors, we saw Buddy said our hellos. It was pretty mellow like the whole weekend. However when i woke up Sunday and wondered where my wallet was it pretty much sucked and i just wanted to get home, so we packed up and left so yeah bittersweet.

Hopefully sometime soon I'll be done playing catch up and be able to write a reasonably sized entry.

P.S. Blog spot now has a direct picture upload thinggy so I'll be able to upload some pics sometime soon and not have to kill my photobucket account every month. So expect pics sometime soon.

Jose is Moonsault1814

The Price you Pay

2005-07-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

Well it's been awhile since I last wrote on this thing called blog. So much has happened and changed things but then so much has stayed the same,unfortunately.

Last entry found me looking forward to Memorial Day Weekend and had I known then what i know now I would have prepared better. I figured something was gonna happen, something big and boy did it ever. Lets see...First Mikey came to pick me up because everyone else was going to have to work till 5 and we had to check in before a certain time and also because Mikey and I have a really good time together and felt it would be cool to have some alone time to chit chat and what not. So we get up there having a blast by the way and check in and all. Now let me say this I am in no was shape of form outdoorsy so I knew going into this having me trying to set up a tent was going to be an adventure to say the least. It was, imagine if you will two guys who have an idea of what the tent should look like but no idea how to execute said tent plans. it was funny and fun now that I think about it. Then again hanging out with Mikey is always fun at the very least we are two of the happiest drunks you'll ever know.

Having finished setting up the tent we decide to make our way to the Triple R and maybe dip into the pool have some drinks. So we chuck our clothes and try on our various swim trunks I put that in because it just illustrates a lot of how Mikey and I are around each other some things that other people might be shy about or consider weird doing with your friend Mikey and I do without any thought. So at the Triple R I'm introduced to a few of Mikey's new friends who seem nice enough and are real friendly so that was cool. Afterwards they all leave except for one who stays mostly out of the inability to stand on his own. Mikey helps his friend to the bathroom and when they get back I'm inclined to do the universal "Girl you got a little junk on your nose" to Mikey's friend after that Mikey and I decide to get some ice for a little livation. After we make our drinks Mikey and I proceed to explore the campsite and run into the campsite where Mikey's friends are staying. Nice guys I decide to be helpful after learning that the person who put the whole weekend together sprained his ankle so I go around cleaning up a bit little stuff like that. I guess he was thankful because he invited me into his tent and so being me of course I go in and he proceeds to pull out a box from under his bed and pulls out a pot brownie to which i proceed to nibble on and after a lengthy conversation realize that I ate the whole thing. Afterwards Mikey and I go to get something to eat so of course this is when my body decides to react to the pot brownie and I started freaking out like at one point I could see the bass coming out of the sub woofer of the performer at the restaurant and every time she sang I heard demons.LOL. At one point I had to fight myself from stabbing Mikey in the neck every time I picked up a knife or something I felt like I was being forced it was the freakiest thing I ever felt. I said it before and I'll say it again i felt possessed. I woke to everyone laughing and talking I still felt possessed. Then I fell asleep again.

Saturday morning I found myself feeling better but definitely feeling like I had been possessed. So as we all started waking up we were looking to start the day now for me this is where I should have wrote this as soon as we got back cause my memory gets fuzzy but I do know by noon we were at the Triple R because Mikey, Geoff and I wanted to go swimming. Afterwards Gerren showed up with Jared and we all started drinking Ryan went back to the site to lay down and Dean and Seth were laying out by the pool. Gerren,Mikey,Jared and Geoff went out by the pool after an hour or so and hung out with Dean and Seth. Now at this point I had a few drinks and got a little reflective and sat behind everyone else and was just sitting back thinking about everyone and how blessed I am to have them all in my life then Mikey came around and sat with me we talked a little bit about nothing really he pulled up his short leg I ran my hand in and played with a ball, our kind of playing I guess. We decided to leave and start preparing for dinner cause with this many opinions we knew it was gonna be hard it actually wasn't as difficult as I thought it was going to be we got our stuff went back to the site and started "Q"ing. Derrick and Mikey took the lead on that we played music laughed danced it was great. After we all ate we decided to go to the Rainbow Bar a couple people from out neighbor campsite came along as well. At the Rainbow we drank long islands and played pool and Mikey showed me how nice our neighbors dick was. I actually ended up making out with our neighbor in front of everyone which I think was a mixture of being horny and drunk always a fun mix I think. We all left the bar and went to the bonfire back at Fifes after some time I said I was sleepy and was going back to the site Mikey said he was too I asked Ryan but he said he was going to stay for awhile. When Mikey and I got into the tent my clothes came off and I fell into bed Mikey said he was tired of sleeping on the floor so i told him to lay with me on the air-bed so he did sans most clothes he curled up next to me and I wrapped my arm around him and eventually ended up cupping his balls and actually at one point falling asleep. Then Ryan came in and layed in the bed in front of Mikey and scooted closer to the both of us we stayed intertwined legs and arms for awhile before my pea sized blatter woke me up and I put my clothes back on and said I was bathroom bound I went and came to find Derrick talking to our neighbor and then i decided to lay back down Mikey and Ryan come out and then Ryan gave me a look and told me to go to the bathroom with him once we were there he kind of sighed and said "I sucked off Mikey" at that point a bewildered Mikey came by and said if he could talk to me. We walked a bit to a bench and he started rambling about what happened but nothing was really this is how it started this is what happened it was mostly "I let him..." Stuff like that which made Ryan sound like some sort of predator and made me mad and then Mikey said something that had I been in a different frame of mind I would have said something back but I didn't he said "Why did you leave" and all I could think of was you are grown ass men now I know in the past I've done a lot of the thinking when it came to the three of us because I know how Mikey and Ryan are do first then think about the consequences later. However this time I had nothing to do with what went on once I left the tent after we talked I didn't even want to hear Ryans side all I knew in my drunken mind was that my boyfriend hurt my friend. Once Mikey fell asleep I woke Ryan up and without going into too much detail we got into a tussle which was more about us leading up to that moment more about all the things Ryan and I hadn't been talking about more about the big elephant in the room and it wasn't 1 person or situation, we had grown complacent with each other and this was the catalyst.

Sunday morning came with Mikey waking me up to say goodbye he was gonna go home to talk to Danny about what had happened. Ryan came in later and we talked once I realized I hadn't gotten his side of the story he told me how a little while after I left he felt like he was going to throw up and got up to go to the restroom himself but Mikey grabbed him by the arm and pulled him closer and then they started making out and Mikey grabbed Ryan's hand and put it under is balls and pressed then when Ryan went to shift he saw Mikey hard and just went for it. Now if anybody knows Ryan you would know that one he's honest and two he doesn't have anything to loose by lying when it comes to sex even if I don't agree with the situation if there's at least an explanation I'll understand aside from the fact that Mikey, Ryan and my friendship began with flirtation and attraction we've all said we're attracted to each other and many other things. So to me I will always believe the Ryan as drunken horn dog story than the Ryan as sexual predator one. Not to discount Mikey's side but if i were Mikey I would feel like I needed to tell the skewed version he has more to loose. Sunday came and went with a day of awkwardness and then Monday came with a morning of packing and thoughts of Mikey and how he was doing.

We got a call from him saying everything was fine and that was about it Ryan and he talked and then he and I went to see Mr and Mrs Smith and talked a little bit more I wasn't as straightforward with him as i would have liked but it was good enough. Sadly though that was really the last time I saw my friend Mikey I mean since then we've talked but until Lazy Bear I felt like he was trying to avoid seeing us mostly because mysteriously he and Danny always left right before we got to where they said they'd be. Oh well my only problem now since running into both of them at Lazy Bear(Which I will write about on Friday) is that I feel like I've lost my friend someone who I felt like the more time we spent together the closer we got the more we talked the more we knew each other without speaking words I guess to him his Boyfriend and being Donna Reed is more important than friendships with people that have known him the longest. If it sounds like I'm bitter than I guess you've been paying attention because I am a little sometimes a lot. I'm not the authority on relationships god knows I've had bad ones but I think that's what makes this hard to watch for me because i feel like this is a bad one for someone I love a lot, someone we all love a lot if I was alone in the way I felt I'd say it was just me and I'd being stupid but I guess ultimately it's his decision whether he even sees what being with Danny is doing to him maybe he likes who he is I don't know I don't talk to him much. The hard part is when you see a shell of a person you use to know but you know he's in there somewhere, I care I will always care I guess that's the price you pay for having me as a friend.

Love you all Jose

Revenge of the Blog

2005-05-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

Hey guys sorry so long in coming with the update but life has been both uninspiring, busy, hectic, slow and down right boring at times but all at once. Oh well "case of rum, case of rum" I always say. One thing I do remember happening since last time I posted was running into an old friend of mine Geoff he's one of those blasts from the past you never expect to hear from again because they are just those type of people that pop in and out at random. Well after about 5 years he popped back in and at The Edge with Paul Mr. Superpsychofreakysexy) no less. I had to take a step back a bit with that one and only because when last I knew Geoff Ryan and I were still in friendship/relationship limbo hell. So to see him hanging out with Paul who we've known from My Place where Ryan and I have been less than saintly at it was just a funny feeling having those two points in my life intersecting.

Rereading my last entry I have no idea in what order these events took place but I'll try my best to keep them in order. I believe the weekend after we ran into Geoff we ran into him yet again working at a local store in the Castro, after he got off of work we took him to underground which was having it's first Hip-Hop night and I guess everything was cool and was going pretty well and even after Gerren brought a certain someone who shall remane nameless but it rhymes with Bob(so that's what I'll call him) so Gerren and Bob come in and even at the very beginning everything was fine and then I guess I had one just one more too many cause this is where the night gets fuzzy to non existent. Now for circumstances that I wont go into this may be Bob's last weekend of freedom and I guess he decided to go all out cause my ass was 3 stops past drunk by 7pm and I know it was later than that and I looked at him and thought damn he's actin a fool. That of course didn't stop me from yelling at some unsuspecting Go Go(hell no) dancer that looked like a cross between Urkel and Carleton Banks in a silky silky ice blue thong, and maybe I thought I was doing a service by yelling at him "GREASY,GREASY" I believe I was especially since I was told I went up to him and said "You must be cold" See even the bitchiest of bitches has a heart. We'll miss him. I digress, onto Bob and doing the most. Once Underground closed we all went to Derricks house all of us being Ryan, Geoff and I in one car and Mikey,Gerren and Bob in another. I do remember at one point trying to lose them in Derricks parking lot but the crafty fellows found us. Actually we just didn't want Bob around Gerren and Mikey just happened to be in the wrong car with the wrong person. At this point all I remember happening was people started getting annoyed with Bob cause the dumb ass was talkin big for his little miss britches. I tell this to all my middle to upper class white brothers a couple days/months in county does not a thug make. Stop watching those OZ DVDs you ain't gonna shank no one. That was actually about the time when I checked out though.

The following weekends have resulted into a lot of old friend run ins that have somehow turned into some sexcapade for Ryan and I 2 weeks ago we went to The Lonestar and ran into a lesbian friend of our Jaime and her two co-workers who (I forget their names) were pretty cool once I got past the white guys Latino weakness. Just a shout out to all you white guys with race "weaknesses" it's not OK and it sure as hell ain't cute to overstate the fact that you have a weakness cause most of us on the earth tones color wheel aren't impressed or turned on by it. That being said he redeemed himself by buying me drinks and shutting up about it. so Ryan and I made out with him.

Next weekend is Memorial Day Weekend in Guerneville which I am wholeheartedly looking forward to,it been a long time coming. 3 days of rest and relaxin in the sun drink in hand dick in the other. Although Guerneville is so much more than drinking and sex it seems you can't put that many gay men in a small town and not have nudity,drinking and sex. Fun should be had by all.

I have seen Star Wars Revenge of the Sith twice now and I must say that as one of the only people in my generation not raised with the characters and the lore it's been fun living vicariously through Ryan seeing his excitement over it the huge smile that sprawled across his face once the Cheesy title screen came on was priceless and something I will cherish forever. I don't care what anyone says i will defend the Ewoks till I'm old and grey. I just had to put that there, I won't go into a review of the movie cause you've either seen it or haven't if you haven't my review probably won't make much of a difference. I loved it for me it rivaled the previous movies and not because I hated the first two prequels and my expectations are low but I think this movie could be put up there with the first ones and hold it's own as a contender for best Star Wars movie, aside from Natalie Portmans fabulous gowns(thanks Derrick). and how delicious was Hayden Christensen as a tortured future galactic bad ass Darth Vader he delivered in ways that made me horny for that white boy he should do evil more often.

and on a final note I thought I'd post something I read at Lady Bunny's Blog a few weeks ago but I thought it bares repeating. Enjoy...

Dear Mr President And All The Rest of You Religious Nuts
(From the Web)

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homo sexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27 How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24:10- 16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Testing BlogJet

2005-05-05T01:34:00.000-07:00

I have installed an interesting application - BlogJet. It's a cool Windows client for my blog tool (as well as for other tools). Get your copy here: http://blogjet.com

"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." -- Pablo Picasso

Like this and like that

2005-03-11T17:35:00.000-08:00

Hey all been busy busy busy....Being sick. I hate being sick it totally takes away from my drinking schedule. Seriously being sick is the worst especially when you start on a real creative streak. I was drawing, writing and taking pictures a lot more and getting focused then bam I get sick.

Last Friday was the official opening of Cip Lounge and it was fun, ran into a few people we hadn't seen in a long time. Going through Cip lounge was kinda surreal though. It's definetly not My Place from the drinks served to the clientele it's different for better or worse I haven't decided it's going to take me a few trips down there to stop referencing My Place. We ran into Charles a friend we made about 2 birthdays ago at The Bar in what was my very first forgotten night of drinking. We drank with him and Derrick till closing then drove him home I had to pee really badly so we all went into his apartment and all I can piece together is at one point we all had our pants down and were getting spanked and then I made out with Charles for a quick second I believe(if it is indeed memory and not fantasy he's a great kisser.)

Last night we went to Daddy's and then The Edge where we ran into Buddy and a friend of his. We also talked to a guy Ryan and I met awhile back on a completely random night of bar hopping with these two complete strangers and met Tobias who seems cool we keep running into him so who knows what that means. After awhile we went to The Lonestar for a quick drink which turned into a long 4. Ran into Mat who we met last weekend where we ended up talking for hours at his place. Had a drink with him and chatted. Then we ran into Stan a guy we met at The White Horse one night he's nice tall linebackers build. That was pretty much it running into people we hadn't seen in awhile

Tonight is Friday and that means I'm revved up to go out and party. If you aren't there to witness the debauchery be sure to read it here. Comments are always welcome.

Pandoras Box(ers)

2005-02-18T18:09:00.000-08:00

Well another week has come and gone with promises of new entries but oh well. What a crazy week it's been, It started out fine enough Friday came with so much promise. Ryan and I decided to go out and have a few drinks nothing too exciting(or new). Mikey called earlier and said he wasn't coming out, so we figured hey it hasn't been just Ryan and I in a long time. The curse of castro parking came into effect though and just as we pass a car the lights come on and they leave and another car swoops on in. After about 20 minutes of circling we get a call from Mikey and he says he decided to come out.Boom, a spot opens up. I guess we weren't meant to have a just me and Ryan night but a three musketeers night,it's all good we love hanging out with Mikey. So we all ease on into Daddy's and settle into a night that'll probably from the initial looks of it turn into a low key hangout night. Silly me and my childish thoughts, Mikey,Ryan and I started off chit chatting and playing on the video game screens nothing too exciting. After awhile I realized that I forgot to record a new favorite show of mine, so I basically spent the next 20 minutes or so telling my dad over the phone how to set up the DVR to record it. While that was happening I spotted a friend of ours Tod who was going to The Men's Room for a few drinks we followed for lack of anything better to do and Tod is a fun guy to hangout with. After a few Martinis and a few rubs of my butt hole by Tod we all went outside for a smoke. I don't really know how or why all of a sudden a head pokes into my periphery and I say "Hello....Who are you?" and he looks at me drunkenly and says in a snotty Spanish,Mexican,Salvadoran whatever accent "Who are you?" and continues to ask my boyfriend for a light,ticked and buzzed I blow out the light and say "I asked you first...don't light his shit...Rude ass" so we babble back and forth about him moving down from Boston?New Jersey?Somewhere over there and how all he gets is San francisco attitude, Now I get really annoyed because not only did he come out the box an ass he said I gave him SF attitude...The nerve. So we go back and forth and makes some motion about liking big asses and I guess I was suppose to be offended but I like my big ass and he proceeds to slap it so I proceed to slap his face 3 times and then he disappears. After that the night kind of fizzled out and we got food dropped Mikey off and then went home.

I forgot to mention Fat Tuesday here in SF,It was fun. Showed my ass got some beads...Yeah it was fun.

Saturday came and it was a pretty lazy day for the most part, Ryan worked on the room I worked on my first fully completed comic book/graphic novel character which I'll post here in a sec. Early on in the day we decided to stay in and chill. Around 5 or so Deano(RyanD...The Ex) called and asked if we'd be interested in going out after awhile I said yeah Ryan decided to stay in. Deano got here and we left for the city. It was fun a lot more fun than I thought it would be only because I was still a little queasy from the night before. We reminisced a bit it's always good talking to Ryan and seeing how he's doing. I get a little guarded with him sometimes though and I'm not sure why. Maybe because we go through such long stretches without seeing each other,Who knows. We went to Daddy's had a drink and chatted a bit,went to Bad(sad)lands had a drink wondered what the hell happened to Wynonna Judd all the Judds were on Oprah cryin,went to the back bopped around a bit but it was waaay to crowded so we went to The Cafe. The Cafe was cool we talked about my open relationship the how's and why's and I was loosening up a bit and then Dustin Ryan's ex popped in and said hi now if you didn't know they're breakup wasn't a great one I don't even think Ryan thinks of them as friends anymore which puts me in a bit of an awkward position because I don't have a problem with Dustin matter of fact we had a drunken moment in OCT. (Scroll down for the story). Even so Dustin isn't my best friend either so we left by this time we've gone to a few bars and have and more than a few drinks so I called Ryan and asked him if he still wanted to go to Underground and that if he did could he bring us back home he decided he'd come out. We walked up to Underground and for some reason we were talking about Ryan's butt and his wallet creating and unsightly bulge so he gave me his wallet.LOL. The whole night though it was kinda funny because here we are drunk ex's hanging on each other, talking about old times.Too funny. Ryan and I had one of those break ups that allowed us to stay really great friends and still be able to talk about our relationship without regret or hurt feelings involved. Also it doesn't hurt that sexually we were very very compatible and that never faded.LOL. So it's always fun and playful hanging out with him we did end up later on talking about the possibility of fooling around again we might we might not I always have a hard time passing up great sex though.We'll see.

On a more somber note that same night my Brother was in a car accident with my uncle and neighbor/family friend in the car My uncle is still in the hospital in a coma, our neighbor didn't make it. My brother isn't handling it very well no matter what he says. I feel a bit conflicted though I mean I feel really bad for our neighbors family but I am happy my brother is alive and well.

It has been about 3 weeks since all of this happened so I'll post another entry and re cap this past few weeks events and at least they have been just that events.LOL. Later.

Big time personality traits

2005-01-31T15:55:00.000-08:00

Hello all once again I find myself writing about things that have happened 3 or 4 weeks ago. My Birthday came and went it was fun though, ran into an old friend while bar hopping it's always good to see him. Nothing spectacular happened though got really really drunk that Saturday, blew chunks out the window on the bay bridge so if you were behind a Jetta after 2am on January 15th...Sorry bout that.

The week that followed found me recieveing a letter that claimed it wasn't a chain letter but when something claims financial ruin if you don't send out 20 more I call that a chain letter I obliged though. I figure hey it said it was a "blessing" not a chain letter and I need all the financial "blessings" I can get. If I get millions I promise to be a productive millionaire...Promise.

So I started drawing again it's pretty fun,hopefully I can actually start learning how to use Photoshop and paint to begin work on this graphic novel that I've been working on for years...It's just hard for me to pick up and say "OK time to start" when I don't really know where to even start from.Writing?Drawing?What am I suppose to do? I got a whole bunch of books and now I think I got too many cause they are all saying different things so I think maybe it's better to take a class or something. Photography is going nowhere cause I just can't get motivated. I'm the type of person that needs to be "inspired" stupid as that sounds and I am also the type of person that puts way too much shit on my plate, started a screenplay stopped cause I felt like drawing and then oh let me do that then on a lull I'll open up an old picture and start messing around with Photoshop ugh...

Has anyone else felt overwhelmed by the simplest things lately? Ryan and I have been trying to get to the gym and eat better lately and each time it's time to go to the gym we have an hour long "discussion" about the best way to "do" the gym routines, times after awhile it just seems like we're both just being lazy and it's frustrating. We end up having sex for like 45 minutes and saying well at least we did cardio.LOL.

I've come to a conclusion about my views on gay marriage and monogamy,that I thought I never would. Being in an open relationship for 2 of our 5 years together Ryan and I have had so many conversations about those "issues" that I felt I knew why I am the way I am but it's always funny when you surprise yourself in mid conversation and boom the answer just comes out. Ryan and I went to breakfast at our usual spot and we just started talking about stuff and I realized that I have a very negative and almost volatile opinion of gay marriage. I think it's great that some gay people choose to be monogamous and that's not what my problem with "gay marriage" is my problem is I associate gay marriage with homosexuals that insist on playing straight I was looking through some profiles on a couple sites we go to and I ran into a few that kinda pissed me off. They were the ones that proclaim their monogamy and love for each other and insistence that they don't understand why people in relationships would open up their relationship to such imminent disaster and inevitable separation. I've had numerous conversations with friends that say "I could never do that but it's cool that you do, I guess" I always bite my tongue and smile politely because really if you know me and know my personality you know that this decision didn't come easy and it involved years of conversation before anything happened, and when it did it was months of conversations afterwards before we decided anything to this day we have conversations regularly to "check in" with each other. I'm moving away from my point such as it is. So gay marriage has been a hot topic for sometime now and I realize that I'm the type of person that really likes to be my own person my own style my own way of life, so when I see gay marriage I see this movement towards being more straight and that being more like straight people is how we should be and it makes me so mad because it's evident more and more when you see young gay people wanting more and more to be a caricature of a gay man. I see strength and power in being gay and what being gay means to me is a whole movement way before me of gay men and women dying to be accepted the way they were, not trying to play the role of a straight man and woman. Before it seemed like we were saying accept me because I deserve it, now it seems like queer people are saying accept me because I'm just like you. Do a little dance for me gay boy, we are the new sideshow you can look at us, laugh at us(that's always been true) you can even reach into our bedrooms and dictate what's moral but by god I will not cry with you, I will not humanise you unless you are a silent suffering AIDS victim, and religion be damned I will not comfort you. That's how I feel about straight people most of the time and to have a wave of gay men say to me your relationship is wrong just cuts me deep. I love the way I love because this is what my life has taught me. Is it because I was molested? Is it because my Mom and Dad were alcoholics for most of my life? Is it because my oldest sister only dated white guys because white was/is right? Who knows it's probably all of those, but please don't sit and judge someone else's relationship when you know very well that damn near everyone else is sitting on their thrown judging you monogamous or not. I rambled long enough to whoever would listen yesterday and here I sit again...Oh well. I promise next entry will be less ramble and more rumble mreeeeoooow!

I forgot to mention this past weekend, which was rife with watermelon and Raspberry shots, America's Next Top Model Cycles 1 and 2 cause 3 sucked ass and Karate Kid...Elaborations will come later this week. Bye all.

Happy Birthday to Meeee!

2005-01-10T18:31:00.000-08:00

Well ladies and gentlemen it's my 28th Birthday on Jan. 13 whoopdeee fricken doo. In all honesty tho I do feel different, I have no idea how but I know I do. Maybe it's that I finally feel like I'm getting out of that funk I've been in for awhile. After talking it out with friends and family I realized that my Grandmothers death had a bigger effect on me than I originally thought I mean I knew that it kicked me in the head,heart and ass but I don't think it sunk in until recently. After I had time to decompress and filter out all the peripheral crap I just fell into this pit of emotional muck, self loathing and pity. Then the most miraculous thing happened I got over it, just woke up one morning and did what I had been doing my whole life but I guess lost for a moment, I said to myself "self, It's OK...It's all OK the feelings you are having are OK and the conclusions you have come to are OK...For you. Now snap out of it." Besides I personally know that my grandmother would be pissed if she knew how I was acting. She loved my smile, and it had been ages since I smiled for real.

How was my New Years? It was only OK not that I thought it would be great I was still under the weather and so was Ryan. We went out just he and I Gerren and Derrick were in Vegas, Mikey went to The End Up(which we ended up going to anyway). We started off at The Eagle to pick up Scott(who has been mentioned here before,as is everyone else) and that was fun Scott is always a blast to be around he's in a band called The Bleeder Project and I think they are playing this week at The Park on my Birthday so I dunno if I'll be able to make it. Anyway, after that we went to Cip's new bar Underground SF and had a good time Scott and I tore up some Pizza rolls and chicken wings. If you go to Underground SF be sure to try the Liquid Lush my new favorite drink. We rang in the new year called everybody and then after awhile decided to join Mikey and Danny at The End Up. Big mistake for me huge even, Scott went back to The Eagle. So I've never expressed my extreme disdain for The End Up I have extreme times at that place either really good or bad and for every 1 good time I have 10 bad so my average wasn't all that great going into this,aside from the ridiculous cover of 30 bucks,hanging out with Mikey is usually worth about that much.LOL. Upon entering I was greeted to the blank stares and even blanker faces of the San Francisco Queer wannabe elite. I smelled fear, so maybe this night wasn't going to be all bad I thought I copped a bit of a tude, turned my nose up ever so slightly and and sliced through the crowd like butter. Waiting outside for Ryan to come with the drinks there was this little misstep of a person coming through mosquitoesque entourage in tow buzzing around him and he swatting them away started to come my way and if I had been anywhere else I might not have even noticed him and I'm sure the same could be said for him. Well they came my way and I was standing right outside the doorway as he comes closer nose scrunching up a bit more he proceeds to raise his girlish hand and I knew it was headed for me I made a decision in that moment."Oh no he isn't."Oh yes he was, he placed the outside of his hand and tried to wave me into nonexistence by way of a slight push of my chest. So of course my first instinct was the face punch,but I thought no how about...I grabbed his slight wrist twisted it upward outward and then pushed him onto his waiting swarm I stared waiting for the retaliation but I think I might have gotten him more attention as he played the wilting violet. I walked away drank my drink and then we ran into Mikey had a few more drinks more random encounters but none really noteworthy, after awhile we drove Mikey and Danny home.Happy New Years!!!

This past week has been mostly refocusing and rebuilding. Met up with Mikey a couple times during the week. On Wednesday Mikey,Ryan and I went to Underground and kicked around a few ideas for possible screenplays. It's always great when you can get people together who share the same passion I love that, I feel alive and energized. Hopefully we can all get together more often and come up with something tangible.

A Few Pics of Mine

2004-12-15T01:09:00.000-08:00

Winter Blues...and other such nonsense

2004-12-15T00:05:00.000-08:00

Hello people guess what? I have a hum dinger of a case of the winter blues,and it won't go away. Granted it started yesterday and it's probably just me being all stuffy and not going to the gym like I should. I still classify it as the winter blues. I've gone over a lot of my recent entries and realize that all of them have centered around sex and the wackiness that ensues. Even though sex and sexuality are a big part of me and my life it's not the whole of who I am.

For some reason I've been reading some of my old journals from a few years back just thinking about my life and everything that I have done and all the people that i have met and are still in my life and even the ones that aren't. Maybe that's what winter is for...thinking, reflecting cause it sure ain't for tanning.

It's funny how when you look back on stuff you start to think about the things you would have done different. Maybe you would have said "I love you" to someone more often, tried harder to understand a situation, not of been so hot headed or stubborn. I guess that's just the way things go once you've said something,done something that's it you've done it. There's no undoing anything no matter what you think or no matter what "they" say.

On the upside I might have just needed a good shag and in the hour it took me to get to this paragraph from the last I got just that...and feel 100 times better.LOL. Another plus for me is Cip is opening another club/bar SF Underground this coming Friday The 17th. Hopefully some of the My Place regulars will pop on by Ryan,Derrick,Gerren and I will be going.

Aside from the winter blues I've been tinkering with some drawings that I'll hopefully be turning into either comic books or a one shot graphic novel also i have entered a couple photography competitions and have won 2 so that's cool I know I wrote earlier that I'd post some but I didn't find a watermarking program till this past Monday so I'll post some as soon as I can.

Crazy

2004-11-15T15:50:00.000-08:00

Wow has it been 2 months since my last update? Damn, and a whole lotta nothin to boot. I guess that's not true it just feels like I've been going through the motions and living for the weekend. And while the weekends have been a blast I just think there should be more. Lets see here...

Since my last entry we have been a little roadblocked in the digital dark room phase of transformation mostly just waiting for things to come in like tiles and a certain kind of molding for the walls, junk like that. It's been pretty hard for me to get motivated to do anything really it was a year ago on November 9th that my Grandmother passed away and a few weeks before and still today I just feel really down. I think I may need to take some time and figure out what the hell I want/need.

Ryan and I have been really good about not letting the crap that's been coming up outside of our relationship cloud him and me and have avoided some really stupid but disrupting arguments that could have come up. On that end of things anyway everything is going as smooth as it can.

Since Halloween things have been interesting on the whole open relationship end of our relationship which in and of itself is just a whole other can of worms. Starting with Halloween We went out that Friday and flirted had fun the whole bit it was cool. Halloween we went to our friend Scotts house(above The Bar on Castro) for his Birthday and all around Halloween fun. As always Scott was awesome and a great hostess=) and while for the most part everything was fun and entertaining things didn't get "interesting" until almost everyone left. Next door to Scotts house outside the kitchen window I see this blinking blue light and then someone yelling "JOSE!!! JOSE!!!" I looked and had no idea who the hell was calling and then as my drunken eyes came into focus I saw that it was my ex boyfriends ex boyfriend and then I called out "Dustin? What the hell are you doing over there?" After some colorful banter he came over and we had a pretty good time chatting and all of course we were all drunk as hell and in some cases high as hell but I ain't naming names. We all decide that we need to go to Ryan's car so he can get a change of pants needless to say the one who comes up with the bright idea has no idea the day after why he has on different pants. Anyway we all get back to Scotts house and head on into his bedroom and after about 10 min I realize that me and Dustin are the only ones in the room so we if memory serves stumble on up and manage to kiss for a second or awhile I can't really remember but I think it was less than a peck but I can't be 100% sure. I just remember thinking did we just kiss that was weird my ex's ex, and then I got over it. I have some pictures that Ryan took that to this day he forgot taking and they're pretty funny I'll post them after I finish. What really weirded me out was seeing Dustin and Derrick making out and I'm not even sure they knew that they were doing it cause after awhile they both passed out and then when I got back from the restroom Dustin was gone and Derrick was asleep in the fetal position(I have pictures.LOL). So that was fun.

Happy belated Birthday Tom!!!

Last weekend was pretty interesting actually it was very interesting on Monday(11/01) I believe, Ryan and I decided to venture into Castro territory which we almost never do without a gaggle of friends to offset the Castro vibe but this time we went alone to Daddy's "Underwear night" and met a really cool guy who bartends there and mostly just chatted with him until closing nothing seedy about that I suppose. LOL.

However a little disclaimer before I go on in any normal journal of mine obviously I wouldn't write this but it has to be said that if anyone knows who I am about to type about please don't go up to him and say anything.

On Friday we went to Daddy's again and after a soso night Buddy came through the door and as usual Ryan and I perk up cause he is just the coolest person you'd ever want to know. We drank a little chatted and we were gonna leave maybe together but we didn't really talk about that prospect. once outside we noticed that an alarm was ringing and then noticed that it was at All American Boy where he works so he goes there and checks the alarm and all the while Ryan and I are outside waiting and after about 10 min or so I start thinking maybe something happened to him or something but then he comes out and says everything is cool we start looking around just in case and I say I have to use the restroom and when I come back I find Ryan and him making out and then his hands down my pants and next thing I know we're all damn near naked suckin and all kinds of stuff until it was just like OK you work here and it ain't doing nothin but getting later so we drop him off at his place. So after lord knows how many months we finally fooled around with Buddy and boy was it worth it.LOL

Then that Saturday I believe we went to Steamworks and ran into Steve an old friend and chatted in the Jacuzzi for awhile and I am going to admit something that won't mean much to most but to those that know who this person is might raise an eyebrow and say "Realllllly" I have always wanted to have sex with Steve and not like the I want him as a boyfriend way but in a friend you've known for awhile and you think is cool but you can never just go up and say "we should have sex" like you...at least I do all the time. I have just always been curious. Anyway that was cool. Last week was going to start off pretty normal with ne real surprises but then Ryan tells me he's quitting his job so we should go out and far be it from me to say no we shouldn't.LOL So on Wednesday we went out and what an eventful night that was We went to The Edge this time and it must be said that I think when I am drunk i can get a bar full of people to sing anything I introduced myself to a few guys and after about 5 min I had them singing Spandau Ballet "I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUUUUUUE AHHAHAHAAAHA...TRUE!!!"

That is when the fun began This really, really drunk guy starts grabbing my ass and squeezing it now mind you I'm a little tipsy myself so it took me a minute to notice and I have a big ass ta boot so I turn around and I see this hazy eyes middle aged but cute guy swaying to and fro with a goofy grin and I say "You do realize you don't know me right?" and he sways a little spills his martini a little and says slurringly " Oh but I do...I've know you forever. I've just never had the courage to say anything before."

So then I say "Oh really? Well then what's my name?"

He looked past my eyes bobbed a little and muttered "Love"

Now mind you I enjoy drunken ramblings as much as the next guy but this guy took the cake, actually he took the rum cake...home then ate it and then came back for more. I had no words so I just let him continue to feel my ass and give me drunk butterfly kisses to the amusement of Ryan. After awhile we ran into Tom from My Place and a friend of his and my drunken lover went to tend to his newly broken hearted boyfriend who incidently I thought was cuter. So after awhile we're all chatting and I completely forgot about the guy George was his name BTW. and then like a phoenix rising from the liquor bottles he arose at this point Ryan left with Tom to the ATM so there I am a little drunker and this guy is gone and now he's startin to look cute to me so we start making out and after awhile I notice he's groping me but from a weird angle so I look at his hand and notice that they are huge...and black??? I follow first the fingers then the hand then the wrist on up until I see this huge Mandingo lookin guy just smiling like a kid caught stealing I managed to nicely maneuver myself away from his ginormous paw and then Drunk lover starts groping me and slips his hands down my pants and so I return the favor not planning on being impressed but what a nice surprise he was hung.Yaay me. But that ended and Ryan and I went outside and decided to go home. Thursday we came out to Daddy's and Ran into Leon of My Place Leon and Pablo unfortunately Leon informed me that they broke up is it wrong that at that moment all I could think of was finding Pablo's number? I don't have anything at all against Leon I was just always closer to Pablo. Mikey came out and as usual we had a blast I love hanging out with my Mikey he's so cool. That Friday We went back to Daddy's and Ran into Buddy we ended up going back to his place and having some of the most triple x rated sex I think we've had in awhile there was no set rhythm it was just mouths and ass and dick and straddling and noises and...Yeah it was a lot of fun. That Saturday we went with Mikey,Danny,Gerren and Jeff to see The Incredibles My new favorite movie of all time love,love,love that movie. We all went out had a great time.

Before I go I just wanted to send my condolences out to Cip who suffered a big loss recently. I got your Cip-mail and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's odd that every so often a death reminds us that life IS, as cliche as it sounds precious and that judging people,hating people for whatever reason is so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I just wanted to say to all of my friends that I love,cherish and thank god (whenever it comes to mind =) that you are all in my life. Jose

Back in the Saddle

2004-09-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

Well friends what a week it's been, I guess there's no place like the beginning right? It all started with a great web site called BigMuscleBear.com Now Ryan and I haven't been very involved in the bear community but after frequenting The LoneStar we found some really cool people and some very very cool new friends to hangout with. Anyway so after about 3 weeks of going to the site and not registering we finally decided to and within the first couple of days we chatting with some pretty hot looking guys tee,hee. It was different for Ryan and I to be flattered by guys who look like for the most part that they would be gruff and maybe not the friendliest people, but to our surprise and delight every single guy we have met at The Lonestar and through BigMuscleBear.com have been the nicest people you would ever want to know.

OK enough back story so the weekend of the 4th was obviously Labor Day weekend and if you didn't know the Bay Area was hot...No I mean hot, like I spent Saturday,Sunday and Monday from the morning till 5pm naked laying in bed,doing nothing really but drinking water and trying not to piss on myself. I digress, We decided on Sunday to finally drag ourselves out of bed and into the car to go down to Guerneville to meet up with Mikey and Danny It wasn't that bad not as bad as I imagined anyway. We talked to Loren(My Place Bartender and all-around good guy even though he forgets that one night we were so drunk at My Place when I was ordering a drink he pulled my pants down and tried to stick his finger up my ass) and he said we should stay at his and David's house in Guerneville at one of their cottages on their property. We get down to Guerneville meet up with Mikey and Danny and pretty much just chilled at the pool,chatted played UNO then decided we should go to Lorens house and meet David. After about 30 minutes of "Is this it...No,is this it?"

We finally decide that we are just going to the house we think it is and knock on the door and this older man with a British accent comes around from the backyard a little annoyed that we didn't knock louder or say something.LOL. He was very charming it was almost like walking into a job interview for some reason I suppose when I went to get the bags Ryan told him of our interest in the film industry because by the time I settled myself they were talking about David's days in Hollywood as a Director then as a writer. I don't know if anyone has seen Gods and Monters but it was something like the scene where Sir Ian McKellen's character is describing his days as a director. I feel like I should be soaking in everything he says because if I don't I might miss something important I guess that's why when he started talking about writing this mini series that continued the story of a very important movie in African American culture I was just mesmerised because within 2 minutes of him vaguely describing the story he wrote and who he wrote the story with I knew he was talking about Queen The story of Alex Haley's Mother. Now only 2 other people know how important four movies are to our friendship.Those friends are Gerren and Derrick and the movies are The Color Purple,Roots,Queen and Waiting to Exhale not necessarily all four movies to all three of us but those movies come up with us every so often. Needless to say Ryan and I opened up to David like I don't think either one of us have in a long time it was very inspirational meeting him and I'm not sure why but I think it was important for us to meet him at this point in our Professional and Personal lives.

So after we talked to David we got all good and liquored up and headed off to Fifes where Danny and Mikey were. We found them pool side with some what I call "ManCute" guys(you know the guys that look like they could rotate your tires but then serve you breakfast in bed) and for the life of me I can't remember their names but I was in such a talkative mood and a little tipsy that I just start rambling on and on,about the things that I ramble on about when I am horny and tipsy. Go figure. The six of us decide to go to The Rainbow and start the night. At The Rainbow the first of a night of just go for it moments I feel one of the ManCutes press his package on my ass and on the inside I was like"just grab it...do something." but he didn't and I didn't much care I had fun teasing and I think at one point when Mikey was playing the video game I put my hands down his pants but I can't be 100% sure. The night after awhile started to bleed together and I remember running into Gil a manager/bartender at The White Horse Inn in Berkeley and thinking I would so love to have sex with him but being drunk I can't be sure anything happened I don't think it did. Well suffice it to say the night didn't end on a great note I threw up and then went to bed. I think what happened was that I don't really drink that frequently so sometimes I forget my limit and that was one of those nights, the next day was better though we came home and I slept.LOL.

This past weekend was a little bit better. On Friday we went to The White Horse Inn and chatted with Gil and Ryan realized another guy we thought was attractive was a bartender there too we found out it was Gil's roommate and ex. I wish I could say that the news dashed our thoughts of sex filled hours with either of them but it didn't,actually I don't wish that it did. So that was fun and then the music was good mostly for me but it was good top 40,Hip-Hop and R&B. We met these two guys who teach and they were also attractive one of them in particular was mesmerised and couldn't keep a conversation because he kept staring at my ass, maybe it was my Beyonce bounce that did it either way i took it as a compliment It takes quite a few squats to keep my ass showroom clean.LOL.

Saturday night found us at The Lonestar. **Sidebar** I don't know what it is but lately I have been having some very good body image days drinking lots of water,working out more eating better who knows but I love feeling like this. I hope it sticks around.LOL.*** I bring that up because have you ever walked into a room and just felt/knew that almost if not everyone was looking at you and you knew it was you because you could feel something inside you radiating just some real powerful vibes? Well that's how I felt on Saturday I could hear Janet Jackson "All night(don't stop) playing in my head and I walked what could only be described as a strut with a touch of runway it was weird. What was more weird was having I kid you not at least 10 guys come up to me and ask me if they could buy me a drink or just introduce themselves within the first 5 minutes of being there. The night was pretty much like that we met up with another of the My Place regulars Paul having just found out that he had been "hot for us" and we both thought he was sexy and charismatic and like most of the guys at My Place just so much damn fun to be around. We all talked for a long time and chatted with some other guys and the three of us made out and felt each others balls which is something I love doing I don't know why. After awhile we dropped Paul off and went home.

Now This story is marred by the boredom and action/fun killing task of transforming the garage to a digital workspace for Ryan and me. I get the feeling that once this is done we are going to go on a fun/sex spree for awhile.

Hopefully later on I'll post some of the pics I've been entering into random contests. I still(for those who are wondering) have every intention on photographing live models and need those of you that I already contacted to pose for me it's just been so hard to work on the room which is being set up as a digital dark room and trying to take pictures at the same time. So most of the pictures I've been doing have been landscapes and digital "artwork." Also I've been learning Photoshop CS and Corel Painter more.

Boring...Boring...Boring

2004-09-01T18:39:00.000-07:00

Well guys what can I say it's been a slow couple of weeks. Not much of anything has been going on, I re-read my last entry and remembered that Sacramento that weekend was booty. We went back to Sacramento the weekend after and it was a little better...I think. Ryan H. got pretty drunk and licked my neck. Derrick got pretty drunk but he thankfully didn't try to lick my neck. Mikey and his friend who shall forth be called Chick(cause god help me I don't even want to murder her name by trying to spell it) came out which was a shock to me cause Mikey never wants to go to Sacramento. The only problem I have with Mikey at this point is every time we've gone out lately it seems like he's in a rush to get back home and/or to Danny. Which although annoying at times is understandable my only problem with that little bit of co-dependency is it makes me feel like I'm in high school and hanging out with that one friend we all had/have who wants to hang out and be like a family until she/he gets a man/girl and then they ditch you quicker than Paris Hilton and her panties. I don't want it to seem like I'm mad at him or anything but it just bust my chops sometimes seeing friends unhappy or in any way keeping part of themselves hidden to keep the peace. But hey what do I know right, I mean Ryan and I aren't exactly the picture of perfection but I'll be damned if either on of us aren't ourselves with at least each other. I know him and he knows me and we respect each other no matter what. If nothing else everybody deserves that, and you shouldn't feel the need to hide anything about yourself just so that special someone never has to strain a brain cell in a conversation. Anyway that should have been tangent territory but oh well.

Other than that things have been going really well, I finally got a screen writing program and started on my first screenplay,My only problem at this point is that it's coming along pretty well which means it's gonna be a bitch to edit. I also down loaded Corel Painter and between that and Photoshop CS my ass is getting bigger by the minute so it's back to the gym on a regular basis and less going out on the weekends.Yeah right.

Last weekend was Cip's Birthday party and that was 3 kinds of fun. Almost everyone from My Place was there and it made me realize how much I miss all of those booze bags.LOL. Ryan and i got Cip some tiki theme Candle holders and some candles it wasn't much but he's hard to shop for. Besides at least we put some thought into it he has a tiki theme bar at his place(Cipworld). I was actually gonna blow up this really cool picture I took of him at a Sparrowspoint rehearsal. It was just taking me too long to do what I wanted to do to it. Maybe I'll post it here soon, I did take some pretty funny pictures at the party(Tenisha I'm looking in your direction).

Well guys I'm sorry that if you've gotten to this point in the entry that it's pretty much been a sexless post,Maybe this weekend'll bring on the fun. For me and you guys. BTW I just want to say thanks to all the people(Who I don't already know) that have sent e-mails and "stuff" hope you guys have as much fun reading about my exploits as I do having them.

2004-08-23T19:50:00.000-07:00

You are Storm!You are very strong and very protective of those
you love. You are in tune with nature and are
very concerned with justice and humanity.
Unfortunately, certain apprehensions and fears
are very hard for you to overcome, and can
often inhibit you when most need to be strong.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-08-03T17:03:00.000-07:00